Rome Snowboard Design Syndicate

Captains log…. Star-date, June 25 2009

DUMONT:

First, you better recognize.

Transformers- The Movie: the only real Transformers movie ever made. A story so timeless, it rivals any Shakespearean classic. Enter Unicron, a villain so fuckin evil, that even bad guys were like “that guys doing some fucked up shit…”.

Transformers_ The Revenge of the Fallen:

Micheal Bay has twisted our beloved Autobots and Desepticons into almost unrecognizable pile of CGI shit.  It’s a little unsettling that in the case of Soundwave, who in the first live action movie made a goofy cameo as a boombox, now seems to be a satellite, proving that Micheal Bay doesn’t have the integrity to be trusted with the Matrix of Leadership.  He’s not even qualified to do a movie about the Go-bots… 

 

Forester – Punching in June 25, 2009 – 12 hours after viewing Transformers ROTF:

Alright, alright, let’s take a minute and relax, maybe wipe up some of the tears that we’ve been tossing off with from the first Michael Bay depiction of our youth. After seeing Bay’s second interpretation of the Cybertron warriors…one has to sit back and finally say “you win.” Look at it this way, the hand drawn cartoons of the Transformers, when created in amazing -scratch that- un-fucking-believable CG animation…they might not look that impressive! Take Dumonts above picture of Soundwave….and then compare it to this one:

Yea, exactly. The previous version of Soundwave now has been reduced to a Rock-Em-Sock-Em Robot in comparison to a bad-ass mixture of Magnesium, Space Guitars and Satan. Plus, the original 1986 film didn’t have this in it: 

Go ahead Dumont, your turn to rebuttal my awesomely fantastic point.

Dumonts retort: Forester you ignorant fuck.

There is no denying that the new animation was amazing, but why call it a Transformers movie, obviously Micheal Bay wanted to cash in on the Franchise while rewriting the history of Cybortron.  If the movie was called “Fighting Space Robots” there wouldn’t have been a sold out show and I wouldn’t have had to feel the fat ass 45 year old “saving myself for marriage” behind me kicking the back of my chair for two and a half fuckin hours. Or better yet I wouldn’t have bothered to go.

The lead bird, Megan Fox, is absolutely, ridiculously, hands down your pants, think of her in the shower, hot, but she can’t act, which means, she’ll be making porn in no time and that’s a movie I’ll pay to see, buy the dvd and buy another copy when I burn the first one out.

Oh, and, the new version of Soundwave looks like an AIDS junky version of a Gundam.

Forester Response:

Dumont, thank you for illustrating what we’ve all been thinking about since we first saw Megan Fox’s bonerific performance in the first film. I do agree with you, her acting is about as lively as a cinderblock stuck at the bottom of the ocean. Speaking of ocean, Megatron rebuilt? So awesome. One of the greatest grudges of all time BACK IN ACTION. First of all…Michael Bay cashing in on the franchise? If anything, he brought that franchise back! Kids now-a-days don’t want to play with anything unless it’s laced with coke-like stimulation, but kids are hyped on Transformers toys! Bay is doing his part in kick-starting the flatlined heart of the Hasbro. Second of all, why don’t you go sit in your artsy room, with your artsy sweaters, with your artsy slip-ons and bookmark on FFFOUND all day while watching every Wes Anderson movie in your collection. LISTEN, PICASSO: DON’T READ INTO IT SO MUCH, YOU EMOTIONAL FAIRY. Transformers meant two things : Machines and Battle. Now with Michael Bay in charge, it means three things: Machines, Battle and Babes. Hmmm…babes or Eternal Sunshine? Lets examine the fact that women in Michael Bay films are ridiculously hot:

Exhibit A: Megan Fox from Transformers

Exhibit B: Scarlett Johansson in The Island

Exhibit C: Gabrielle Union in Bad Boys 2

Look, I’m not arguing that his movies are life-changing, but it seems every time we discuss Transformers, this comes up. Basically, Michael Bay makes awesome popcorn films. I’m talking rip-roar, rack ‘em and smack ‘em (shameless product plug) style movies that give you a refreshing break from all the confusing ass wanna-be film school junkies who “just have a different outlook on art, maaaaannnn”. Show up, sit down, look at hot babes and watch shit explode. Sounds like an awesome night to me. 

Dumont  RE: TARD

I’m not arguing that any of these three chicks aren’t serious jerk-off material. But, like I was saying, I’ll wait for all three of their porn debuts before I rub one out. You’re missing the point……. The movie fucking sucked.  It’s not living up to the potential of the Transformers.  Your logic is flawed, “popcorn flicks” are popcorn because they suck…  so yeah, Micheal Bay makes the best shit movies going but they are still shit.

Who gives a shit about kick-starting Hasbro, I’m going to kick start your face with the business end of a framing hammer.

Done, I’ll let you respond then Im posting this.

Forester – Final Word:

Woa, take it easy there, Patrick Bateman. The bottom line is the movie is super entertaining. Yes, we can’t tell which robots are which, and sure…the acting is extremely dull but cmon’ are you paying to see some “film” or are you paying the CG guys to make your childhood fantasies come true? Yea, that’s what I thought. The movie rad and right now, its obviously cool to hate on Transformers Revenge of the Fallen because it’s got such buzz around it, but I say go see it. Go see it and enjoy 2 and a half hours of ass kicking, hot asses,  and watching Sam Witwickys mom crunk out on special brownies. Oh and also, Megan Fox’s opening sequence reminds me of porn…and if you’re asking if I would? I would. Hard.

 

 

 

 

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