I really like food, so I kind of like grocery shopping because I think of how I’m going to be eating all the food that I’m buying.
I’m not anti-social, but I’m not a huge fan, of bumping into, and then re-bumping into someone at the supermarket, and then re-bumping and re-bumping. It sucks and it’s distracting. So I made some Dimitri Martin-esque photos to demonstrate some shopping options.
The first diagram is a worse case scenario. So you meet up on the left side, exchange some friendly banter, secretly you’re trying to escape the whole time and pick out some fruits and vegetables. Then the journey of criss-crossing begins. “Ho ho ho, hey again.”, “getting some rice I see…”, next isle, awkward eye contact, next aisle, a little fake cell phone talking, and then, you skip the bread aisle to escape, and he grabs bread quick and ends up in back of you in line. At this point, you’re pretty much forced to murder him. It’s not your fault your hand was forced.


This next move is called the Hail Mary. You meet up in the veggies again, and then you high tail it to the other end of the store. This move makes it so chances are; you’re only going to see your friend once more, which is tolerable. You do however run the risk of him pulling the same move. When two people Hail Mary, they’re then forced to shop together, proving to each other that they don’t hate the other person and weren’t trying to escape them by heading to the other side of the store.
The third and final maneuver is the only correct maneuver to pull. This move is called the Honda Shuffle. It’s called that because I drive a Honda. If you see the diagram below, after the initial meeting, I walk outside and sit in my car until chatty cathy in there is done buying groceries. Then I can go in and buy my damn Bagel Bites in peace.
