Apple Whipping with Ron
One of the benefits of working at Rome SDS is that you get to work and live in Vermont. While late summer means winter is almost here to most people, to one guy downstairs, it means one thing…. apple whipping season.
Ron claims to have read about apple whipping in a childrens book that most likely has been burned at this point for encouraging such juvenile behavior.
Here it is, Apple Whipping with Ron
Step 1: get a knife
Take a knife from your mom’s kitchen, school cafeteria or as in Ron’s case, the drawer of utensils at work. They probably have a serrated knife, and to avoid being caught for taking it, don’t bring it back, leave it out in the woods or something.
Step 2: get a beer
Purchase a 24 oz Budweiser, 12oz won’t do.
Step 3: select your whippin stick
Now, this is important. This is where you choose your apple whipping stick. It needs to be flexible and around 5 ft long or so for maximum whip. Make sure to cut off any small nubbins, branches and other imperfections.
Step 4: widdle the tip
Do a little widdling on the tip… you know what I mean. Make it sharp, apple poking sharp.
Step 5: find a good apple
This might be the most crucial part, choose the wrong apple and you could blow your elbow out and ruin the rest of you apple whipping season.
- Step 6: poke that apple
Oh man, almost whippin! The softer the apple the deeper the poke, the harder the apple, the shallower the poke. I’m sure there’s some sexual innuendo in there, I’m just not sure where.
Step 7: whip that shit
It’ll take some practice, but you’ll get it.
- repeat steps 1 through 7
we're really whipping now!
yeah
Since the car dealership moved out next door, whipping aint the same. It was a glorious feeling dropping a ripe apple on a new Lex. If you hit someone, and they freak out say…”stop being a pussy it’s an apple, you’re lucky I’m not out here rock whipping”.
Thanks Ron, lunch will never be the same!
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Between this post and the dog post, you fucks are really tugging on my heart strings.
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Faverty, I’m disappointed that a lacrosse player like you has to stooped (sp?) to using a sharpened stick. Back in Western New York, home of many an apple orchard and lacrosse player, we would have apple fights. Load up a bag with as many apples as you can carry and whip apples at your bros all day.